APPRECIATING THE CONTRAST

Spending much of last month in my house with my eyes closed (in order to rest my brain from the overwhelming task of visual processing and the pain of light sensitivity) has opened my eyes to a new world. Honestly, I have spent much of the last two years in my house in the dark, but last month was extreme in the way that the first four months were. What happens when we go that far into the depths of our inner stillness and darkness?  A lot, but that is not as interesting as what happens when we come out.

Coming out from the literal darkness, I am filled with awe and wonder. How can I describe the incredible beauty of the natural world we live in and are a part of? Such beauty pierces the heart wide open when we truly see it as if for the first time without the jaded lenses of our past. My eyes well with sweet tears at the sights and colors, the immense beauty and perfection of it all. I gaze in wonder at the many colors of the lichen on a fencepost for a long time, and marvel at all the mossy shades of greens and reds and browns until tears of joy pour down my cheeks. I sit and see the light shine through blades of grass or the joyous flight pattern of birds soaring overhead, and my heart is bursting with awe and wonder.

Time and time again, I return from my brain’s scary episodes of complete meltdown and non-function, and it is the beauty of the senses that brings me back. The experience is one of being locked outside of my own body, and not knowing how to get back in. Each time, it is a soft touch on a single inch my own skin, the perfect vibrational note of a single pluck of a guitar string, or the healing green color of a single leaf that return me back to my body and to a place of calm. To see the world with the innocence of a child is a beautiful thing. Experiencing this exquisite dance of sensation requires  s  l  o  w  i  n  g   d o w n. Way down. I sit in the amazing magic of colors and shapes and textures in a flower, and what seems even more amazing is that the rest of humanity is missing it.

Without a month in the dark, would I be moved to tears by the beauty of a butterfly landing? I think not. It is the magic of contrast that makes us appreciate and be grateful. We can bemoan the darkness, yet without it, would the light ever shine so brightly? The sun was not appreciated all summer as much as it was this morning when it was such a treat after a gray rainy weekend. As much as we would rather skip the dark moments of our lives, perhaps we can learn to be grateful for them, as they make the light so much brighter. They are two sides of a coin that make up the whole. It is all part of one whole amazing adventure in this miraculous vehicle we call body and this equisitely beautiful planet we call home. Let's take care of both this precious body and this precious planet.

             -William Blake