The Club I Never Wanted to be a Part of

The annual Vermont Brain Injury Association Conference was this week. What was once a conference I was absolutely terrified to attend (because it was a club I fiercely resisted calling myself a member of) has now become something of a very sweet family gathering for me. This conference is vastly different from any other professional conference I have attended, largely because of the deep humility of the people there. 

There are no large egos walking around, trying to impress each other with their fine clothes, their astounding ideas, or their gotta-have magic solution for sale. No one is pushing an agenda, no one if offering a miracle cure for sale... we all know there isn’t one....and everyone is there simply to simply support and be supported, to offer kindness and helpful tips. This conference is full or ordinary people whose lives have been profoundly shattered by loss, and who are left with humility, compassion and kindness. It is a place where everyone is accepted for who they are, and no one is expected to be perfect.  

There are survivors, family members, professionals, and caregivers. Many people in various states of ability and disability, where it is ok to be flawed and human. Everyone is accepted for who they are, and no one is expected to be perfect. Can you imagine if the rest of the world were like that? Totally and completely free to be oneself without the pretense of perfection. It is free from superficiality and competitiveness, and is truly a profound experience I have rarely experienced elsewhere. A unique sanctuary of total acceptance of self and other.

How did all these people get like this? There was a very large cost. It was best communicated by the keynote speaker, PJ Long, TBI survivor and author of “Gifts from the Broken Jar”. In one of her workshops, she had us do an exercise. We essentially listed the eight things that we most identified with, 
that defined who we are, and that gave us a sense of self. If you want a profound experience, go ahead and list yours now.....

Mine looked like this (pre-TBI):

1. Being a good mother
2. My friends
3. My work helping others
4. My commitment to be of service to the world
5. Being with the love of my life
6. Being optimistic and happy regardless of the situation
7. Outdoor activity: hiking, kayaking, camping
8. Yoga & Dancing for joy

The next step is to take one of those things off, and imagine your life without it. Go ahead and try it. Then take another, and another, and another..... until they all all gone. Imagine your life now. That is the experience of TBI. Only you don't get to choose. You are left a stranger to yourself, with untold losses that defy anyone's understanding, even your own. As I looked at my list, I saw, that yes, one by one, all those things have been stripped from my life.

What is left? A profound relationship with Self. I am unsure of who that self is now or how it fits into the world, but I sense it is Strong, and it is Beautiful, and it too will find its way into a new life.