Sunday, November 10, 2013

Inside those While Vans -Part Two

Last month, an elderly woman boarded the SSTA van and said to me with a sad sigh, “it is so hard being a shut in”.  I looked right at her replying, "I couldn't agree more".

I hate it. It is absolutely crushing to lose once independence. Of all the losses since my TBI, this is hands down the hardest. Being stuck in the house for months and years is like slowly chocking to death. Humans need each other.

Startled out of her emotional state, the woman did a double take and stared at me “Oh my gosh. You are half my age. Why am I complaining?” 

In the conversation that followed, I shared “I have lived more in my first 46 years than most people do in 90. I've already lived a full life." It was a humble sweet moment where two human beings help each other shift from despair over what we don't have,  to finding gratitude for what we do have.

I really have lived a full life already. I have backpacked through eight European countries, spent six months backpacking through Alaska, stalked grizzly bears, kayaked remote islands in Baja, swam with wild sea lions and dolphins, been thirty feet from a gray whale nursing a newborn, rock climbed Yosemite, helped Youth at Risk across the country transform their lives, created an award winning documentary about said Youth at Risk, zip-lined, birthed two children at home, been a single mother, attended forty births as a doula, and as a hypnotherapist, helped  nearly a thousand people live more empowered lives. I intentionally did anything I was afraid of. I wanted to exercise my courage muscles. I was afraid.... and I did it anyway.

I was not on the sidelines of life, I was on the playing field. Now I sit on the sidelines... watching the players on the field. I now face a life where I wonder if I will ever feel comfortable walking down a busy street or traveling again. I miss participating: being able to go to parties, be in a crowd, or a concert, drive a car, ride a bus, travel, kayak, hike, most of all, I miss dancing. So if you're sitting on the sidelines of life, please don't wait. Get on the field! You don't know what tomorrow will bring. There is no time to be putting off living one's life and following one's dreams. 

Being able-bodied is a temporary condition. Whether by illness, disability of death, we will all lose our abilities at some point. Don't take tomorrow for granted.

You too will want to say the elderly woman on the van that you have lived a full life already. 

2 comments:

  1. the present moment. that's all there has ever been, is, or will be! that's it. drink it in! thank you natalie. i'll drive you some place! jane michaud

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