Friday, September 30, 2011

Birthing a New Me


10/26/10 
Barometer at 1013, I have a headache.. Nauseaus.  Loopey, out of it. Felt so good yesterday. I thought I was realy better and would neever go back to this plqd3 of complete dystfunctionl. Funny how many times I have fallen for thsat. TTHingking I am all better now. and then the relapcse takes me by sutrprise. It’s a 12 beer jequivilant day.

10/28/10 
I slept last night. God, what a treat! I dreamt that I was pregnant. i had been coping so well aone. but the baby was now growing, I couldfeel limbs under my ribcatege. The time for giving brith was near. I was gatherging my woment friends together to get ready to give birth. In charge, competent and amazed at the fact that I had to do this by myself in my weakend condition and not only that I had to but that I COULD.   
Surounded my loving friends, I am giving birth to a new me. Only I can do it. It is time. 

Conversaton with my Highter Self in my dream:
HS: "You know you still have the ability to manifest and create your life the way you want it you have not losst that ability even though it appears that you have lost most of your abilityes. "
Me: "How do I do that whaen I cant focus my thoughts?"
HS: "Thoughts dont create your life, feelings do. "
Me: Yeah but it takes a breain to focus on shifting to  better feelings. How do I do that when my attetniton span is all of 10 seconds and my focus is so diffuse?
HS: You are going to figure that out.
Me: What do I want to create right now? Start with where I am. Its not about relaitonships or career or some lofty future goal. It’a about be where you are. The only thing that is importatn and that I want right now is to heal my brain.
HS: OK, so feel healed. Start with “i am well”. ‘I am grounded” Iam prefectly baleanced.” Dont just thinkg those thoughts. THat just leads to frutstration when you then stand up and topple over. FEEL THEM!!!! and you’ll call them into reality faster.



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