7/7/10
I;ve been in bed 7 dayes. I am dizzy all the time. like the room is spinning. It’s hard to be upright to walk or prepare food. Half to holdm on. My braiin isnt working. I am forgetting my words mid-sentence and havint to really concentrate to speak. Even them it feeels solw and belabored. I find myself stuttering or just unable to speak. I’ll start a sentence and then my brain jsut shuts off and I have to wait for it to go again. A lot of spelling words is like that too. Just shuts off and I cant remeber how to spell. The wireis are misssig. Its geting worse.
Hared to feed myself becuse its hared to stand up and prepear food. Today I was hugry and coulnd make a sandwich. so I went to get fuud. I went to the grocery store, stood there looking at all the choices. Never noticed how much reading and a million little choices go into buying grociers.It was too much. Everything was jumping out me. Like bening attacked by thousnds of wild anmals at once. Overwelming. I got so dizzy I was afraid I wouId pass out cold on the hard floor. had to force myself to.stop and focus. Get 2 things and go. I stoopped at /nectarines. My hand reached out to grabb, one and then stopped mid air. brain freeze. it forgot how to pick it up. panicky. I had to remind< my hand how to to do this. Reach down. open fingers. close fingers. get heck out of hear. bak to bed. Thsis is seriouwls.
I am so scared. It used to be fear of the accident, with flashbacks coming constantly, realizing how lucky I am to be alve. now it’s fear of brain damage. Have to keep releasing that fear. dont want to get it stuck in my body. So many ways to release fear. EFT has barely touched it. It is in my stomack, it’s tighty as a rock. It works well to push on my stomach and let it out with sounds, groans, yells, whatever. And crying. I keep bursting into tears suddenly. That is good release too. Just riding the waves of emotion. Wish I dould dance it out. but cant satand up and afred to move me head. SO scared! This isnt godo.
Feeling depressiion pulling me into a downward spiral. It’s getting harder to think, which means I am more emotionally reactrive. No flilter betweend feelings and me. No logic talking me out of feelings. cant think so its Harder to find my usual proactive self.
Doc says keep engaged with people. But very simple, first grade conversations only. No drama, no thinking, no fixing anyone, no clients. Diffusing lavendar oil. Takig REscue Rmedy. Drinking lots water, omega 3s, protein.
Went to the ER again tonight. Gota catscam. Ruled out braind hermorrage and stroke. Good news. But each doctor visit justs brings up fmore fear. Dont need fewar right now. Need to stay grounded in love not fewar.
I;ve been in bed 7 dayes. I am dizzy all the time. like the room is spinning. It’s hard to be upright to walk or prepare food. Half to holdm on. My braiin isnt working. I am forgetting my words mid-sentence and havint to really concentrate to speak. Even them it feeels solw and belabored. I find myself stuttering or just unable to speak. I’ll start a sentence and then my brain jsut shuts off and I have to wait for it to go again. A lot of spelling words is like that too. Just shuts off and I cant remeber how to spell. The wireis are misssig. Its geting worse.
Hared to feed myself becuse its hared to stand up and prepear food. Today I was hugry and coulnd make a sandwich. so I went to get fuud. I went to the grocery store, stood there looking at all the choices. Never noticed how much reading and a million little choices go into buying grociers.It was too much. Everything was jumping out me. Like bening attacked by thousnds of wild anmals at once. Overwelming. I got so dizzy I was afraid I wouId pass out cold on the hard floor. had to force myself to.stop and focus. Get 2 things and go. I stoopped at /nectarines. My hand reached out to grabb, one and then stopped mid air. brain freeze. it forgot how to pick it up. panicky. I had to remind< my hand how to to do this. Reach down. open fingers. close fingers. get heck out of hear. bak to bed. Thsis is seriouwls.
I am so scared. It used to be fear of the accident, with flashbacks coming constantly, realizing how lucky I am to be alve. now it’s fear of brain damage. Have to keep releasing that fear. dont want to get it stuck in my body. So many ways to release fear. EFT has barely touched it. It is in my stomack, it’s tighty as a rock. It works well to push on my stomach and let it out with sounds, groans, yells, whatever. And crying. I keep bursting into tears suddenly. That is good release too. Just riding the waves of emotion. Wish I dould dance it out. but cant satand up and afred to move me head. SO scared! This isnt godo.
Feeling depressiion pulling me into a downward spiral. It’s getting harder to think, which means I am more emotionally reactrive. No flilter betweend feelings and me. No logic talking me out of feelings. cant think so its Harder to find my usual proactive self.
Doc says keep engaged with people. But very simple, first grade conversations only. No drama, no thinking, no fixing anyone, no clients. Diffusing lavendar oil. Takig REscue Rmedy. Drinking lots water, omega 3s, protein.
Went to the ER again tonight. Gota catscam. Ruled out braind hermorrage and stroke. Good news. But each doctor visit justs brings up fmore fear. Dont need fewar right now. Need to stay grounded in love not fewar.
It is amazing to me that you had so many tools available to that you knew so well that you could still remember, consciously/sub-consciously, and use to help yourself. Amazing!
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